Relationships can be challenging and dating is a continuous run with the unexpected. There are times I wish I had a remote to skip the dating circus and get to the good part where I meet my person already.
For me, my beginnings in relationships always start off amazing and somehow end with disappointment. I’ve had my fair share of dating and personally, it seems like it’s getting weirder.
Are people dating genuinely to find their person or dating because they don’t want to be alone?
Currently, I am single and it took me until recently, to be real with myself, and where I stand in my dating journey. Some people may be looking for something serious while others are still figuring themselves out or not ready for commitment, both are ok.
Overlooking important details in my past relationships left me with heartache and confusion in the end. Regardless of the outcomes of my past dating experiences, it feels good to take lessons from them.
I’ve learned there's beauty in being single. It's the moment when you begin to find yourself again, discover who you truly are, and create new boundaries for the future. It’s the little moments you get to spend alone and pour all into you. That’s important.
With an open mind, singleness can be fun, exciting, and ever-growing.
I never noticed how I was always in my dating era, where I would have options. After all, isn't that what you should do in your twenty-somethings? - Be single, have fun, and date until the right one comes along.
Some may disagree but I realized how exhausting it is to constantly be involved with a person. A lot has made me re-evaluate my dating life and prioritize my time. I never really took dating breaks or had a celibate journey, which I now find to be extremely necessary. If I had done that before dating, I wouldn’t have done things off the emotion of feeling lonely. It is so crucial to take all the time you need before dating again, there is no rush. And if something isn’t working out, don’t be afraid to end it.
“The more rules you make for how you define love, the fewer special people there are out there, for you to find.” - Frank Drake
I love that quote!
As a very particular person, I’d wonder if maybe I was being too picky when finding the right guy but being pickier helps me narrow down what I define as love for me. Being pickier allows me to immediately say no to the things I don’t want.
As for me, I find beginnings to be exciting in dating but I learned beginnings are for paying very close attention to…
What I ignored, in the beginning of my last dating experience, turned out to be destruction in the end, since our past remained present in our future.
The endings to my love stories always seem to amaze me, it's like all along I have the answers to my questions but somehow there's curiosity that lingers on.
So just like every beginning, there’s an ending…
In the end, my dating journey has been an uncomfortable roller coaster, to say the least. But I say all this to say, the importance of being single for me is healing. Being comfortable alone, not engaging in small talk with someone I don’t see myself dating, not indulging in casual sex, and knowing how to be in the moment with myself all while keeping hope for real love.
A small chat with the anonymous:
What is your relationship status?
“Single but I'm not making dating a priority”
How long have you been single? Happy, if so why or why not?
“Single for three years — happy because freedom brought me peace since I was always putting another person before me."
Why are you single?
"I’m single because I feel like the path I’m on no one will understand and if they do, they can’t really get hip to it because they aren't on the same page -- they’ll act like the understand but they don’t... No one truly understands."
When you're ready to start dating again, what is something you’d be looking for in a person?
“A person that is open minded about everything and just real... A person that can communicate and be vulnerable. A person who is just human, we can talk about anything, like just be cool, be real, tell me what you want and stand on that, regardless of what happens.”
“And most importantly, you have to be your partners friend first, my last situation was very sexual based and we didn’t have anything outside of that"
What does the importance of being single mean to you?
“Mainly just time to yourself, a lot of people go wrong because they stop praying and lose sight of God because everything seems so wholesome in a relationship... sex can make you have an attachment to someone but you can’t lose attachment from God.”
“You have to appreciate life overall, we lose ourselves because a relationship can be a distraction. We have to work on being wholesome by ourselves."
Do you have any questions you’d like answer in the next blog posts?